You’ve just read a horrible letter from your ex’s lawyer, received a mean spirited text from your ex mother-in-law, the child support payment you were relying on to pay this week’s bills didn’t arrive and your kids are arguing over who gets to pull apart the contents of your wallet. In these moments, repeating one of these mantras in your head might just take off a little of the edge.
This too shall pass. This often quoted mantra for motherhood is just as relevant to a break-up. It might hard to see an end to the shitty situation you find yourself in. I’ve heard Brene Brown talk about the fact that despair is thinking tomorrow will be exactly the same as today. We all know that all the evidence points to the fact that every day is different. It’s not always going to be like this. You won’t always feel this way.
I am enough. We all question whether we are “good enough”. As a single mum spread thin it is easy to feel you aren’t doing enough, being enough. The simple answer – you are.
What you focus on expands. Ever made a decision to buy a new car. Not just any car, but a [insert your dream car] and then everywhere you look you see that car. It’s not because suddenly there are more of that car on the road, it’s just that now you are noticing them. Focus on your ex and their “amazing” new life and that will consume your thinking. Focus on yourself, the positives in your life and your bright future and you will be the better for it.
The struggle ends when gratitude begins. Gratitude may be a buzz word at the moment but it’s for good reason. If you can adopt a gratitude practice you will realise just how much you have going for you in life. In a moment of overwhelm, this mantra might just help you refocus on what you do have.
Without my struggle I wouldn’t have found my strength. Resilience is like a muscle. The more difficult situations you find yourself in, the more you develop your strength and resilience, which set you up to face life’s inevitable challenges more easily. Remember this in the tough times.
If you are going through a separation/break-up and want to know more about divorce coaching and how I can support you during this period, please reach out here.